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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I’m feeling kinda hungry, so I swing by the local market on Jāņa iela. It’s packed with fresh veggies and homemade goodies. I grab some bread and cheese, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her garden and how her tomatoes are the best in Cesis. I’m nodding along, but honestly, I’m just thinking about how I can’t wait to eat.

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